people heckle me about Trent/Evan /Michael etc in the
audience to my face and i respond with something
geneally sarcastic...that does not mean i BRING IT UP
DUUUUHHHHH...CLOVE

i was not mean at all to Billy Joe I felt bad because I knew how much the whole horror coming fom gilman street to Woodstock must be and in the middle of talking about not letting it get to him i sota started to cry ,not bawl ,just got sad, i felt sorry for him cos i know he cares too much what tha .001% of the music listening population thinks….2.I was getting asked for autogaphs at like,malls, by poeple in neon bike shorts they only know me thru a current affair or something-and i started saying “name a song” wich,of couse they could not, of course I dont do it at shows duh…it cums from the LA Times, Steve Hochman he HATES me and in his sunday columm”PopEye”ussually finds something to take out ofcontext e;moi-satisfied?

i gave kurts prototype jagstang to peter buck- he would have wanted me to, the rule with fenderwas that they had to use girls in the ads in a non exploitative way…

its true we loved aerosmith went backstage walking by manequinns dressed in Playmates lingerie-as well as a cupid pisssing in a pool- ie; some roadies job- but fuck it rocks etc….we had a great time with Tyler - punk beliefs aside- fuck it- hes cool and Kurt really opened up and so did I, in the car , after, we kinda got embaassed- ahhhhh- we kissed old school butt-ahhhh- but we looked squae in the eyes- and cracked up SO HARD– hell it was cool- Stevens cool- its his tradittion- and from anyone else esp- my school(NIN-Alice_ Ministry backstage scene) but its ingrained in tyler and somehow forgivable-I really dont care- he doesnt hide it- we love/d Aerosmith- Kurt never dissed him- fuckin’ look at that cool body of work- anyway no dissage from the Cobain family to Tyler full on respect- thanx C.

Surprise,surprise! Melody Maker is sensationalistic! Yowza! tip of the fucking iceberg my friends, imagine living with THAT from 2 music trades and the 11 daily tabloids in London,for four fucking yeas non stop, lovely. Getting the picture yet?

the truth is that when i was little my pc hippie parents made me wear saddle shoes and nothing i got to play with or wear was allowed to be “gender specific”-as a matter of fact my first record was “Free To Be You And Me”- you know Williamwants a doll. Sorry. No mary janes no canopy bed. no jewelry box with the ballerina. just hippie toys made out of wood. I feel bad that Im not that ironic about the whole thing , obviously now that its some big fucking deal id like to change dress more adult more classy-wear black rubber and boots and stuff or even just a nice dress , but theres some semantic sickness pushing me now, kurt was like this about his sweaters and his bi-monthly”eyeliner phase”,and grandma take me home and no recess, and he got to be a normal boys boy-im not articulating correctly what i want to say….i DONT want to encourage young women to dress like they are 9….after boarding school, and then Hillcrest(State refom school in Oregon) where we had to wear uniforms, i find the aesthetic almost utilitarian,believe it or not,basic schooly dress collar cuffs- it was anti Madonna-besides being what I actaully wear. Fuck i just spent 5 minutes explaining my clothes. Christ. Hey whats up with Eddie and that brown T-shirt?

the truth is that when i was little my pc hippie parents made me wear saddle shoes and nothing i got to play with or wear was allowed to be “gender specific”-as a matter of fact my first record was “Free To Be You And Me”- you know Williamwants a doll. Sorry. No mary janes no canopy bed. no jewelry box with the ballerina. just hippie toys made out of wood. I feel bad that Im not that ironic about the whole thing , obviously now that its some big fucking deal id like to change dress more adult more classy-wear black rubber and boots and stuff or even just a nice dress , but theres some semantic sickness pushing me now, kurt was like this about his sweaters and his bi-monthly”eyeliner phase”,and grandma take me home and no recess, and he got to be a normal boys boy-im not articulating correctly what i want to say….i DONT want to encourage young women to dress like they are 9….after boarding school, and then Hillcrest(State refom school in Oregon) where we had to wear uniforms, i find the aesthetic almost utilitarian,believe it or not,basic schooly dress collar cuffs- it was anti Madonna-besides being what I actaully wear. Fuck i just spent 5 minutes explaining my clothes. Christ. Hey whats up with Eddie and that brown T-shirt?

i like eddie and beth just fine,buti believe i returned e phone cell just once to them(no offense meant)i chose nothing you stated. I did not attend the awards, ive been wearing the same clothes since i was 15,and when i first met myy husband to be and started dating him My 1st record was outselling Bleach about 2to1 thats alittle off but its about right, not that it fucking matters, sorry to be so defensive about the petty things-but a lie is a lie, be better informed please,ie;my bad review in spin, I DESERVED IT, im not complainig i was a mess and we sucked, it happens,Kurt and I collabarated often and obviously on both sides, sorry if yr such a boomer that ou only heard of me through a curent affair- I know you boomers hate to feel old and out of it, but Nirvana started not quite a year before Hole…….calling Eddie and Beth please, it certainly didnt come from them,you must have a friend of a friend of a gossipmongering liar, but hey whats new?-carol pls direct this in response to the post i am responding to,those headers make me dizzy…..c

Hey, i cant go the Dresden room Too filmic. How about the Formosa, at least its dark. I will bring along my little slim green volume- very Gap sort of book, but helpful nonetheless”women and words”-Its great- we get to make up words like “Testerical” as opposed to “HystericaL” -after the Greek’Hyster” , Meaning uterus,Math rockers are stoic testerical bastards who only want to discuss the effect of never taking one typing class,as if I were preparing myself for a future CLERICAL position! actually,the truth is i nod out so much on the keyboard that i drop my smokes on it- anyone want my used Mac 180c-its got genuine Heroine Burns on it, but i digress- At the Formosa you can explain the physical laws of explosion and i wil actaully DEMONSTRATE LIVE the utter breakdown of all known laws of physics-and IMPLODE right under the signed pic of Doris Day. Hey boy, ill show you a black hole, Mr. Hawking - I Love You. courtney

dave…….thats the whole point dumbass,i wanna be there all alone center stage of Lolla,43.000 people and be stoned, covered in blood beerpiss tomatoes your own sputum and urine,Dave,a mass stoning, Historical non? i wonder…would you be looking each other in the eyes or straight ahead,in a sort of Dionysian mass hypnosis?the way i saw the girl being passed around during “Rape Me” in Ogden Utah from the side of the stage,they were all staring straightahead…as they ripped her shirt,bra, pants-grungey sort of shants actaully-panties-as they started mangling her breasts…hands on either side -her face was all screwed up in a scream- and the men were all glazed -AND STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD-my eyes followed a particularly violent boob mangling hand down to its owner- a baby faced grunge punque rocquer-at wich point i grabbed Novaselic and screamed and pointed- he jumped into the crowd and Kurt had the houselights turned on- i could only point out the cute boy for sure and the girl was bloody and hysterical -her breasts and stomach looked as though shed been clawed by jackels and Hungry Ghosts,from the coldest hell of the Bardo’s.I once stage dived at the Underworld in UK, we’d been on tour w/Mudhoney and Mr.Arm had succesfully dived on every evening,i dunno i was just in the mood,much the same happened to me, i was returned to the stage basically naked, fingers had been inside of me,my ass,vagina,etc….i know math boy…WHAT IS ETC.? well it just was etc.,i saw a photo of that moment, i was smiling,pretending everything was ok,i guess, it started to dawn on me that this had been my own fault-for bleaching and makeupping and wearing a ‘little’ dress… my friend Finch in L7 wears male drag mostly,but she said that this happened to her too on tour w/ the Beasties,just think Dave had you organized a “stoning” of me, youdve at least gotten to see the Beasties!! lotsa testoterone running rampant,wich is basically why i chose that spot… a band w/ no choruses! a band i especially loathe because my husbands success was used in very unethical ways to get that band on track, Kurt was utterly traded for that band by certain people involved in his life… and the biggest reason he didnt want to do Lollapalooza was that band, even though he couldnt stand the Pumpkins-i think-hed never admit this in a million years- but i think maybe that was a mixture of personal-i used to go out w/ someone in that band-but briefly- and the idealogical-its pretty obvious they werent his cup of tea,but he knew FULL WELL what went on with his ass getting traded re;Beastie Boys.How would you like it if you knew that you were purchasing real estate,swimming pools,merchandise franchises etc. for people who did not believe in you and who you couldnt stand, the idea of being shit on by your own’people’ ,whose careers you made possible is enough to make anyone sick!!!! Anyone!!! but i digress….Stoning me would have been really ‘Kool’ Dave-are you VERY into Pantera? or just a mix of that and Anthrax? i KNOW you had fun during the Beastie set,are you all dolled up in yer best X_BOY? as for the term “math rock/boy” it refers actaully to Godel ,Escher,Bach….It was Godel,the mathematician of complete Chaos,who said that ,2+2 does NOT neccasarily =4. Love CourtneyPS STIPE-i just got back tonite are you at the seasons du 4?pls call me in the next few days- i must tell you my funfunfun ADVENTURE-my mother in law and Kurts sister(8) Brie-anne are up and shes a dyin to meet you, Steph.is afraid to ask her nanny for a confidentiality agreement…and there are problems in that dept anyway….you can help me help her…did P show you the Guitar i gave him,? oh this is personal,way, call me……this guy here on the Internet said”we should have stoned her” ….neat huh? meet you in Salem. thanx for thee mail, do i get to have that beautiful song yet? luvvv cccc

take this down if you want; its him al his present studio references were accurate,i thought you meant j mascis! he told me last week he went through all this stuff net and aol. we laughed at how no one accused him of the scratches ,i mean the “scratches” on my back at Mtv dumb thing,cos hes such a big homo…ha…not,both ways if you must know,my bad typing is proof im high were as his are just ‘cute’-i love him. the orig. lp title was;’Exploding head” ,Thurston sings on a song called”Crush with Eyeliner” i was there..sample lyric…”Shes three miles of bad road” thank you,uncle mike”shes a sad Tomato” and a song re;Kurt that had us bboth bawling like babies….i was screaming “the snare dammit” and got to fake mix one w/ litt Kurt stylee-marshalls way up and fucking snare snare snare -au naturale-berry walked in on my ..uh “mix” and sed wheres the damm ORGAN-oh well i tried- it IS really rock and raw and my fave for a long long time-kinda punk even….in a remmy way…he doesnt believe in this dammed 4th wall either ,he is truly well adjusted,parents/family all great….i wish hed love me, sometimes i think he feels-sory isnt right,but dutiful re; me…. thats why i kep a little distance but boy does he ever have a bbullshit detector…he sees right though my bulshit- i cant pull ANYTHING over on him. Any way its him he told me…and Corgans are authentic too,some 14 yr old thought a fake Billy was in love w/ her and he got PISSED an posted….aol owes me bux,i made them bux w this publicity!

OK KOOL get me to thee net…..i just dont wanna sidle anywhere near Albini and his horde of math rockers…..please post this magic question…..tell me someone why the hell i am iconoclastic re;gen eccchhhh but have not sold as much as the Breeders(and the answer is NOT that we suck and i dress funny and married a rockstar-and you know it fishdick) why do i get mail from Cher,asked to uh…”come down to the set” by Demi(I hear you math boy and i most certainly did no such thing-you just want it) a VERY UNWELCOME-NON PARTICIPANT upcoming Peeple and E Weekly cover? What fuking happened to the Pixies? You remember before the deconstruction,dismemberment and (thank YOU mr Corgan,oh by the way William im carrying your own little Billy-funny how that happened with your WIFE in the damm room-gee shes liberal)DISARMENMENT of me and mine? When you could start a band get a little bigger than the German Circuit-doesANYONEREMEMBERTHEGERMANCIRCUITWELL IT WASNTMUCHFUCKINGFUNTHATSWHAT-make a bit of dosh,be big in the UK and only be recognized by clerks at roughTrade? calling me a big media whore in those days was fine it was true-i love nothing more than pissing on my phlegmatic,pointy nosed evil witch in a low rent industry jobbed peersHAHA or omething along those lines-but this..this is and has been ridiculous and Noam Chumsky has NOT provided the answer,if anyone knows Jason Cohen author of said,Generation ecccchhh,pls tell him (im serious) he is my Jewish prince, i want an answer AND a date. Janet Billig says he even talks that way,tell him itll make the Star and then he can ponder this quest in an even new light-should i just go back to college?Bennington!Wellesly!Harvard!!!!…uh…..E VERGREEN!!!!!!!! IVe only got 2 terms left for a nifty degree in guess what……THATS RIGHT!THE SAME AS ALL THE REST OF YOU!!!!………LIBERAL ARTS!!!!!!!!!we all know how far that gets us in our streamlined modern world,the world of the fast track and the information superhighway! YOU JUST WON AN INTERN JOB AT MTV AND I AM GROSSLY OVER FAMOUS!!!!For what? writing-sorry you know its true-very good very obvious English major lyrics and listenin g to The Psychedelic Furs and PIL way too much.?okay okay ill do snl but only cos Jeanne Garofolo joined the cast and Patti very much knows shes gaygaygay.Im sorry if ive upset your concept of celebrity by actually participating in this,but HEY! your concept of celebrity was just boomer handed to you anyways…see,just like Thurston….IM ACCESSIBLE!I LIVE IN A HOUSE! I HAVE A CHILD!I AM HUMAN!THE LIVINGHIEROPHANT! THE COVER OF MS.AND ESQUIRE THE SAME MONTH!AND IT ISNNT A CONTRADICTION! I MUST BE…..WAIT FORIT….A FEMMENIST(Thanx Noam) okay fuckoff peace love empathy and kiss my ass…. 2 more things;id like to pot a very public apology to Nils Bernstien for being a lame ass and accusing him of something he did not do,it would be boring to try to excuse myself so i wont. also,guess what ponies?I DONT DO HEROIN!!!!!thats right, I hardly ever have so blow me,its gross and its DIRTY.now ive really let you down…im sorry…maybe SARAH MCCLACHLEN DOES..COS SHE THINKS I DO…COS ITS CHIC AND KOOL…. bye now Courtney,no no dumbass not TORI,Courtney. AND NO MORE FUCKING MID SUICIDE E MAIL-CALL THE FUCKING HOTLINE OR WRITE TO VEDDER -IM ROOF BORNE MYSELF STOP IT YOU LITTLE ALTERNATEEN BRATS!!! COURTNEY,AND THE BLOOD IS DRIPPING ONTO THE NOTEPAD……WELL YOUR SUCKING MINE AND ILL LIVE THRU THE NUCLEAR WINTER LIKE ITOR NOT…..i can see it now…rambling,incoherent,POOR TYPING SKILLS !!!publish at your own peril,i promise to be very very pissed…… AND

hey did you like that? I did, but we both know illpay anpay and pay for being such a bad mother and a bad girl and posting in the cobweb….fuck do it anyway,and yes if its no bother drag me back all my Finnish pointy nosed friends posting unless they are beyond dumb…ie.and Grohl had to be physically restrained,and she was in Kristens bathroom,and she killed him for the insurance,and she did cartwheels and stole my grandmas heirloom diamond and pawned it for her and Stipe and gave me syphilis and i know COS I WAAS THERE….fuck,that too,thatsthee FUN stuff anyways. GOD!!!Ilove my Wonderbra! post this too,lets just have an orgygoo fest,fuckwithme,fuckwithme,fuckwithme,