sketching escaPING face the music, come on

Current mood: confused

OKAY!
Time to get the hell out of this pity party fog= come on girl- get off yoru ass walk over o your guitar and finish those 2 acoustoc songs or fuck it wait for the day and plug in and finish th screamer on a n ice iold strat thru a verbey Fender= ive had a big 10 day pity party= got withou getting oo specific dragged into the recent past- thank god for the IRS, is all ill say and instead of the relief of being abvle to finally lay my burden down -
and finding Gods Army= the sort of thing that my juvenile "Authority Problem" has always created karma wise by me and figures of authority= from Agents to Bankers to District Attorneys= Gods Army- a billionare friend rcomended the secret army to me-= and golly amn i impressed -but right at hat momet about 1000 pages come sover and he violating humilaiting pillaginfg ferocity vracity venality malice deleting purchsing hiding lying wiring loaning gaslighting forging raging its all there = ive seen alot of it= but then a whole new dimension of it and a WHACK load of new data hit me inb my had BAM- so finally after days and days in a fog of sadness and desperate confusion - i had a talk with a Psychiatrist whod eals with people whove expirienced what i know about and yall dont bu someday you will= if my nam was jane Doe this is th cover of Time magazine stuff- some people may even laugh at me- think ts funny- but iut was a fated idea that i would not survive this pillaging- and the level of arrogance= is wild= who leaVES all this proof behind?
who does that?
anyway he word"victim" is not a word i am used to suing on myself- i dont accept victimhood-= and the Psych had to force me to see it= where it fits into my karmA IDont understand- the marginilasiion hu,iliatuon nams ive been called villification shame ive felt its all somehow atached to my own karma- and this Psych really had to talk me into stopping blaming myself- and accepting that i am a victim here- and ivebeen in adaze for daze so ive been escaping not through the guitar or lyrics= those parts of me dont feel pure as theyve been commodified in some way and i dont want them ever compromised= i never wanna be ware of the commodficitation of writing a s..
so i put allthoxseyears on movie sets and in the magicaL vast halls of Paramounts massive wardrobe dept and frpom my first wardrobe job n"Mommy Dearest"
i may nver have known fashion but i sure as shi know my mousseline= and studying the couture maerials used by Lacroix and wasted imho by these sub eila saab couteriers and studying my years of Collezion and Gaps and sketching skeching skeching = going to the Magic /Project convention inVegas i want my line to be ready
by Jan, and i wanto be able to provide a 300 dollar bra expience for 50 and o have he best pattern cutter ever- hes about 70- old Hollywood- worked and was traindd bNorrell and Bob Mackie!!! knows nothingabou fashion bu every drape and everything i steal from Westwood or Yohji - and everything i make up on my own0- in la we are famous fr haaving th WORST fabrics in the world an d never ever getting he new textiles- i have found 2 couture fabric stores in London and hey have wbsites, but man oh man thi stuff is so expensive-=
the way isketch is rather niave but the editor of a fashion bible saw them and loved them! old me this kind of "niave" sketching is what people are doing on purpose right now,
so im going to som e seminars cos ima seminar geek- cos i wanna use OrgaNIC matriaLS too- and god frobid i go to denim - yah we all need a new line of jeans NOT

i have my KINKY by bhysteric glamour and my my space friend miyo in tokyo just went into Hysteric and got me from the fabulius Nobu a ton of Hysertoc for me and my kids in my band- its so genius- so much cooler than a vintage band shirtuts just impossible tp get ouisd of tokyo= i also found a new young high end japanese designer suzuki Takayuki- HES AMAZING! i have to go to NYC for work on h record as im gojn g durong fashion week im going tp br honoured to hopefu;y mee Yohji yamamoto aq otal hero of mine with his Y3 show and also hopefully Marc Jacobs show-
lets all thankl Marc for bringing back the wide brim hat that had that JLO tipping pointthat fucked it up= ive kep tp my vow re Luxury Goods- i pruchased one good cloche hat- and its doesntt apply to exploraopry skincare am obsessd with the Leaf and Rusher line and the Scott Barnes makeup line wich os pretty amzongand he legacy of Kevyn ( bless!) Aucoin the Kevyn line- im still obsessed with my candles my d and l candles AND they have new fragrances buttheres a new com,pany thats amaxing too= Modern Alchemy = they have one "Salem" and "Ex Libris" really amazing notes hazel larch maple and parchmant and leather- not cheap but if i fdidnt have A fortune id def se what proenzer schoener(sic) designd fr arget and id gt one good cloche hat, and apair of cool suspenders.
no6 normal old man ons alhoughid get them, but maybe altrnate fabric= and id get a really cool coloured pair of long leathrer gloves my aubrgine nes from BVrunos italian gl;oves online are amazing deepdeep purple almost black=- iwant apairof pewter pones but ni luxe brands-
so ive been escaping watchingf old frnch and pre code womens movies and skechinfgmy ass off on beautiful things i would wear and fanasinsingabout how illgetthese new hajapnses meallic nylon light as a feather textiles and makibng the tights i wished existed- im terribl at drawing shoes and bags- feet im okay with
anyway theres a mix att the foot of my bed its been there a few days-= and ineed o wake my ass up inhe mornonga nd pur my eyes away andmy ears back on aqnd opuy th ep past behind me
its in th ebest possible hands they bneed a few documents= but if not theyll find em that sifgh of releif ivbeen waiting years for-= u can do i t now i just need to accept that someimes w e ARE victims iof horrible atrocities and its always karma but iy copuld be from another life= i dont know.
iv been racking my brib for allthos gowns pf m,ae wests racks and racks of them mostly belle epoque lily langtry huings 20 inch waists= all beaded and full of gold pearls and silver laces= amazing works of art=
just wantto make sure i bring you the Glam, the true Glam when im ready to do it-=
maybe wierder than whats oiut there maybe conservaive if you rfashion foreward-
but i promise ill never pu out anything i wouldnt be proud to wear that i havn wished for myself, and o wanna see how to use roganic fabrics with couture notions and beading- whatsth compromise rate?
anyway imtured of being in the past and need to come back to the present it just hurts so very much i took he bait and drank the kool aid and everyone watched = someday yall will knopw what im alking about= ive alluded to it for a long time butthese 1000 pages threatened my life force and sanity and sobriety and shit i almnost sarted ovreating too and my religious practice it overtook me with shame and regret and confusion as to thr naure of evil and how can humans be this evil= when theshrink knrw the facts and data he summed up that one of he leaders was psychotic and pon sociopahic= gee jusr like mommy and daddy= so what is it that atttraCts these people to me? im eccentric at worst, a little frosty sometimes.....hmmmmm....well okay if he says "victim" ill take it i jus feel stupid now i need to get on with the show,
xxxc