Duende

Duende is not transaltable to English- its a sort of Gypsy /Flamenco world word that is so hard to explain so i have found this for you for New Years as i feel if your here and your reading my blog in between records you are possibly no im sure. definetely prone to your Duende.....
Micheal Meade "Fear and Beauty In The Heart Of America"


Duende is anything that knows earth,that has black sounds, anything that has enough shadow and blue descending to black.
Pena Negra, the blacksounds that rise from the mystery of "the root fastened in the mire;the fertile soil that gives us the very substance of art" The mysterious sense of life wound around death speaking dark sounds into the ear of memory,whispering where the breathe of day gathers in the blind reccesses of the soul/

Duende is POWER, not simply work and not only thought, but a struggle with spirit in the blood. Not a question simply of talent given or skill learned, but an issue of genius entering life at the moment of birth, and continuing to whisper dark notes to the mind an dto the heart, More a matter of true living style, , of style written in the soul, and born anew each time the self is willing to die again"

can you relate-= that resonated very powerfully in me- through me, within the conceprt pf music this concept is married to that of sensuality, sexulaity, obsession, addiction, ego death, physical death, sexdeath,deathsex, celebration of the body and the heart, even how cool our hair has to be!

i found a polaroid someone kindly bought off ebay and sent to us- its pictures of Eric witha very young Drew- who as i was looking at West Village houses i got a new whiff of -= she needs to get over any guilt about the Godmother thing, She is family - hell she's told me that= and family has ups and downs- she has nothing to feel guilty about , shes still my Daisy, and Frannies, i know Frannyw as confused- well thats private stuff , but i love how Drew lives so simply-= shes gotten fancier now- she even got a- gasp- interior decorator!! but Drew has zero compunction about packing a backpack and wearing the same jeans and t shirt and Anthropologie jewelry and ive always loved her fresh simplicity- its lovely and i miss it- we have only hung out 3 time sthis year but are not in each others rythym- and i miss that.... staring at photos of pixie Drew with a daisy in her hair- my littel Pisces twin- shes just a few blocks away as is Edward and Stipe- and i think its a great idea to get the hell out of LA for awhile for various reasons- i dont work for a few months- i have alot to do in a few months and im reading all sorts of books on colour and and have a bed covered in the most luxe t shirt fabric- bamboo and pima cotton yep thats my new years date- Pantone Pallettes- iw ish i could scan im just too tired- melon.saffron and a vivid plum stripe, bright teal, navy and a chartruese acid green- is eem to be drawn to Roppongi at night pallettes that and candy pallettes- they had every sot of pallette "nigh life" "rich" " intellectual" "complicated" "cosmetica" "candy" "city life" "nostalgia" "health ( load sof blues) and i just went for Unique 1 - 2 AND 3! my Duende- my novelty seeking gene- i want to make thse t shirts with these textiles so badly-= a 10% silk 10% rayon 10% bamboo and 70% pima cotton ooooooh the luxury ,,,,i want ribbing and i want kids in jackson ville to feel that fabric as oppsoed to the dregs of the cotton business cast offs that the rock biz presents as
"creative" t shirts= iwant machine embroidery and a differnt shape on the arms and felt, burlap, and homesticthing with bugle beads all distressed- i really am rather obsessed with this-=
well i hope you had a great new years i talked to a friend weve been sniffing around for years and ia dore the guy hes one of the only actors i would say is not someones bitch in any way and theres now ay you can ignore his chops= hes one of the best actors in history an di love his values and we share so mcuh in common in terms of process and Duende- i love everything this guy does even when he rolls out the rare commerical film- i just love it- were just friends and i know he understands me and i undertsand him, than again, he directs so thats probably the explanation,

i will end on this Pablo Neruda poem

Sonnet XVII
( 100 Love Sonnetts 1960)

I dont love you as if you were the salt rose topaz or arrow
of carnations that propagate fire
i love you as certain dark things are loved
secretly between shadow and the soul

i love you as the plant that does not bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth
i love you without knowing how
or when, or from where,
I love you simply , without problems or pride,
I love you in this way because i dont know any other way of loving

(amen to that pablo)

but this in wich there is no I or You
so intimate that your hand upon my breast is my hand
so intimate that when i fall asleep it is your eyes that close.



ahhh,resolutions time - remember i made 53 last year i willreview and see what i have kept
the doormat thing i have had a struggle with, i feel as though there are people in my life who do love me but frivolously and recklessly and want me to be dependent and when i strike out for my independence they get upset- i dont like possevness even with caresses or with abuse= or manipulation-

i will never say a bad word about anyone to do with this record i love them all every musician on this record i have a deep seated love for - some eternal gratitide
i have to be free to be me and im not able to do what i insitinctevley know how to do - beisdes those files that were shared- i mean those were the basic skeletons unmixed but not exactly demos- just no comps and unmixed an dtheres absoulutly noway to do what i want now except to pick up and re arrange certain things and hope that id ont live in fear- i dont like fear and i dont like feeling small and i dont like feeling - i dont know worthless- and these things are just my reactions - but i am an empath and i feel all that is in my environment wich i am a 100 percent resposnible for - i just want outta this town for a while la rots the soul after too long yet its part of me and always will be- i just want London and New York a little more- and a malibu shack- that would make me really happy all done in japanese modern super simple tatami mats ikebana wichi can do myself futons really beautiful ones- yeah i want my beach house to loio out atthe dolphins far away from anyone and wash away my duende when it hurts- co shit does hurt as we all know - we are empaths most of us- misfits- freaks - geniuses- trouble makers- provactauers- the ones people give the most shit to- we are outcasted and we are proud of it.As well we should be. They dont lik ethat we think for oursleves and that we think of things first and that we wear and do what we want- it makes us "contriversial"
i dont know if im speaking for you all- i know when i reach inside my self i see limitelss self esteem thats grown from a tiny sprout to a small willow tree, but is not yet strings as an oak whose roots effect every other oak in the place-= you must give give give til it hurts give of your whole self- yes even if it involves a dammed t shirt idea- lets post resolutions tomorrow.
i found in the ebay pile 2 polaroids of me right after NIN and right befor e Larry Flynt i have black hair in these polaroids ( all i wanted for xm,as was 70 spolaroid film like warhol used to use i m waiting its supposed to be coming)
and i look rather cute its sort of my usual mullett slash bob, but the black makes it thicker than the blonde- and you always have to wear makeup= i dunno any suggestions for my hair- i do love this chloe sevigny off big love hair- its fabullous and very very hard to maintain. its a sort of dark reddish blonde and i think its fabulous maybe if i go dark i should go dark an dlong - black an dlong? is that too elvira? black and long like this with wave and curl? its for 18 months,
well you can change between videos.
oooooh im getting some candy for the videos= im so excited Swarovski here we come! ooh please say YES! i need you!
massive things- i think they are genuinly going to prove they can do magical rock and roll lighting thats as far away from Fashion Rocks UK wich had a sort of vegas vibe and out jumps IGGY! BETH DITTO! itwa sodd but i got an amazing ide a i have yet to sit with them but i think theyll be into it- i dunno ill post this picture tomorrow after i scan it and get some sleep and then i have to practice and write some songs aint nothin wrong with more an dmore songs- i realise im country - im far more country in the listening to Loretta and Tammy way than i let on as a small child-= and i always have a bit of a country ish Californioa aesthetic but so did Zeppelin 2 and 3 and 4 too- in any case i can only be true to myself as authentic to who i am and my vision cos in the end its me who has to know in my heart what is right-
i dont wanna discuss much mor ei fthat like i said i adore every single person thats worked on this they defintely worked their asses off,
anway im very excited about the site coming back up with Nirvana too and Kurt to oan dthe film too and princ ess ai too and certain sites going down- itll be a relief let them gather and hate on me anywhere but my site!
i so dont care or notic ebut not on my name oh yay- my lawyer of 11 years has the signed employement contract! wich shows up that former employee as a total perjuror- of cours e id like to discuss with the present moderators on my site the massive amount of responsibility they will have and what i saw on those 11 moderators IM s- just becaus ei dont post there ive tried its dull as dirt an dnewbies looking to join tell me over an dover they are shove doff- noone responds when i answer a question etc well when revamoped it will be my vision it was thrown up to gather ticket requests....

its just my world there will be merchandise up and its ells massively already so i will differenatiate the merch and make it lovely and new and fabulous,
i feel so violated by the stolen 5 am emails to myself- me im a rules girl- i may seem desparate at 4.5 am but i never ever send something like that and it hurts me to no end that this kid i believed in and wa s fond of breaking into my email account for years.
well thats just wrong, I think we can all agree and sending my most vulnerable not for display private self that i share with NOONE no man no people snickering ove r my diary entries deep emotional lying and deep emotional truths that are meant to be discussions between me and me and my pathetoic self an dmy strong self- i am so flipped that someone i trusted would do this to me - well, ill really have to think long and hard about moderators
i also got a good vibe of :?the Jude: if shes still around an di will discuss with Juliet in fact Juliet can call me- and assert herself and tell me what it is i c an do to help her or if she really d oesnt want this job- im sick of dramatic gay boys i dont know calling my landline ....
i dont live fo rthe web yall- i rarely if ever google myself i like the perfume and pantone and art blogs=
Oh god my vinatge girl is coming tomorrow she went o a bunch of textile shows an dgot three more POIRETS@ now if i could just get a n ancient model of Poirets legndary rose perfume! mmmmmmm if you dont kno w who Poiret was - you MUST oh darling you MUST-
i love the Edith Wharton, 1843 of W Village, i feel safe there and not force like in aloft to go out all th e time you c an stay in and have your dogs- its gonna take a lot of work whereas the London house just needs some paint wallpaper and a Bocci kitchen with a great flooring- its in a nerighbourhood called Little Venice i adore it ,near belsize park near Primrose Hilla and sort of Maida Vaile- i really just wanthis ONE house.

well im gona make a cake out of rose oil tpmorrow and frosting with candied narcissus and violet..... i think of that Yardleys scent of lavender for some reasons and London streets and violet sellers= i have a Marc violet spritzer afte rthe bath and a L:uaderee violet room atomiser=

im obsessed a bit with Godards Anna Karenina films she was working that collar cuff dress long before me a thick black bang and a collar cuff - the thing about colar cuff is i think i could reaproach collar cuff cos its so me and who i am- and ive grown out of smeary red lippy an dtiaras obviously and slip dresses and baby doll dresses wich were actuallya sort of crepe they stopped making in 1948, it was strecthy an dmostly nude and id put a bow in the back
but teens and 20s ill never give that up and if i find some fabuous collar cuffs im into backing off of it- hmm well confused about my hair- that blonde bob was excellent an d impeccable until some girls broke the roots off and it turned into a bad mullett- im afraid ill a lways have a secret mullet-
well dont we all
have a violet morning and sleep on rose petals( Anna Kareni Godard Films;Bande A part, Vivre sa Vie, Alphaville, and Pierrot La Fou - she was achingly beatiful -


its 2008! have a marigold pancake!

love little miss Bluebell
xxx