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Current mood: artistic

a fairly well spelled blog ...thats such a reach for me...why ar emy emails pretty impeccable....and my blogs are a spelling disaster....
aND im so psyched to reAD the comments- smart and funny- look at that! i couldnt really give a shit about whatthe bloids and blogs and non legit media think of me in between albums, its a free for all freefall time- as youhave no definiing power=as an artist- buit frankly id rather die than put out a weak record especialluy NOW- i had one disastrous record and i am not doing that again- it may be somewhat about sales but from the cover art-= wich i had NOTHING to do with to the shoddy production that thing wasa mirror of my life condition but not ina good jaded exile type way- like Any life condition we all our mirrorsa nd we all become tarnished and we must wipe thattarnish til it shines its really also a mAtter of time management- as suze orman says people first money second things third- eg what the fuck IS that aston martin doing inmyd riveway when i cannot even drive? im not tight im just reflecting the fantastyland of money that ive lived in for far too long, i possibly CAN afford that car i didnt know HALF of my monthly nut and while that may sound rather priveliged to you some of you-it makes me insanely vulnerable- theres no tradeoff in organisation/cleanlin ess vs creativity im not going ot lose my "edge" by paying attention to a budget and sticking to itand a savings a roth and as the astute comment said not more spent than what comes in- its fantasyland shit and thats how so many woman get stuck in credit card debt etc.
there was some great buddhist guidance today
"If you allow the passing of time to let you forget the lofty vows of your youth, you stand to block the source of your own boundless good fortune and sever the roots of limitless prosperity for your family and loved ones as well.
Please never lett his happenm, only by remaining steadfast to the vows we have made in our youth can we shine as true victors in life"
theres alot more about health- getting to true creativity is the only way to healtha nd i do believe that movement and creativity is the only way to aerodynamic movement and to shine some of this chaos on- but i must have a better handle on my finances- whats that insurance policy ? what the ehll is it for? why has no insurance policy ever poaid me a dime? why even bother with insurance basically? in my case@!
whats that weekend houseekeeper? couldnt i give that to charity?
c ouldnt i save that in an account an dstart a foundation with it?
etc etc etc.
its a great little read "Woman and Money" ( Suze Orman)
it was revelatiory for me and i am pretty dammed older than a lot of you- your future as strong shining victors in your life pretty much depends on the seeds you plant know at 22 23- ( the median age of most of yall) so think of me as the cool auntie that might even let you get your nose pierced-= and take my advice- learn about income vs capitol and how to hang with a budget and know that the irs and student loans are 2 things in life you never wanna fuck with.
Try paying for stuff with cash - i have have to do it its a valueable lesson - you see what your actually PAYING for all this shit=that we all must have- wether it be hot topic or Lanvin its the same dammed hideous bullshit, why why why did i go get a unusable fancy car? what was i thinking? its ridiculous!@
Now i know what iw as thinking i was trying to impress a few people- fuck them- its indulgent waste and excess- this doesnt mnean i dont tip and im not very generous but im becoming far more AWARE.
and i wish i was a whole lot younger when i learned this stuff , many m,any of you are going to be radically succesful people when your older- and many of you are women or young women- i wish youd learn as much about money and get rid of daddy/god fantaSTIES. cos theres YOU and YOU alone to depend on about money!
ims o ashamed i didnt know this- thelevel of embezzlment and fraud in my life can only be dealt with by the irs- and they are voracious! im scared of them - but i have to turn to them- as they have appeared in my life and i have nothiong but gratitude that finally this shit will get sorted out. and people will go to jail, wihc i dcouldnt car eless about since noone escapes karma noone, their fates are sealed, but had i been far more aggressive and less trusting and had a mnonthly tick sheet- i wouldve bveen able to control things better and looke dup terms like "land trust" and stayed in touch with amex and my fica score monthly the id fraud wouldnt have been as bad as NOONE helped me - notthe fbi noone,not the police- and now they wanto know WHY these police re3ports werent made- cos the cops laughed me off - and cos i c opudlnt afford a lawyer! in any case- i think i KNOW justice willve served but its most important tp portect what i have NOW to have a solide relationship with ones banker to make a 1 yr a 5 yr and a 10 yr plan with all the goals and increments in there- iw ish i could teach you all to do this one thing-= just take a savongs account out an dput aside a set amouint every month go without and double your money by having less crap clutter and book or thing in every color or 4 of those t shirts instead - i know easy to say hard to do right? i say after ive come back from Paris and a mass of indulgence and gluttonous behaviour- particularly at Lanvin where i have a small % off- but where every thing is perfect to my eye- every little thing!
i feel so follish where am i going to wear all this stuff to! im not going to wear it ion any red carpets sinc eim stayong off those things- i get excited about fashion esp in L.. since every night the stakes are pretty high- but in la - i work and work and work some more- why NOT wear vintage again - why NOT make my own clothes i can sew- If MJ can make 3000 dollar cashmere silk ribbed t shirts with distreessed glass i can sure make them( even tho he kidnly gave them to me) and i have a few special relatiobnships with designers like him- but that took years of sincere friendship and nott hinkingabout what these people would GIVE me but thibnkingabout what mind blowing artists they are and a mutual admiration - not JUST when im up for an award or in a "most stylish" era/ theres been less of them than more of them / but they sure make MY life cheaper! positive behaviour=positive lifeforce= unswervable inner happiness= what i desire i always believe= more gowns and crap than i could evr possibly want! atthe root of that of course is GREAT RECORD and or FILM- or ART- so im getting the hell off the internet asnd going to make collages!
and no imn not telling you what of- i have always done my own graphics for the covers of my records- ivce got these lachapelles and these sam taylor woods and chiho aoyishima prints and Hell Babies prints and Nara prints( great femme Japanese artists i am obsessed with japan ya know! i also am really into anything wedding related- like cake toppers wich is a dammed cheap hobby!)
and make my own graphics using Dafont and other font sites and theres so much to dicover out there so much seething creativuty and its all for free or in my head- due to my friendships and compassion wich develops more every day for my friends and strangers the favour bank and goodwill bank just grows and grows- it was funny to read your madonna vs me comments-= i read the comment back and yeah it was uncessary - due to our common friends- and due to her being years out of my life but not out of my world- and so many people did grow up on her- i just grew up on the stones and cohen dylan so the image stuff does intrest me to some extent- becaus eimgary is fun to play with = but ...well theres no b ut thats the part thats intersting to me- otherwise in rehearsal i discuss blood red shoes or dirty diamond or the originality of the White Stripes vs reality- authentic "authenticity" for young urbanites who are sick of slick overpolished music= but how great is it? thats bound to be a discussion id get involved in , or having been in London at the apex /Nadir of the Libertines= ve some of my younger by far English bandmates- who to them- that was a massive and important moment- whereas to my jaded eyes atthat time- itw as cute- "cute" - was it HEAVY? were those little gigs the "gigs of the decade" ? it would depend i guess where time and culture interesct for you=-how much iof an innovaor or what they call "early adopter" in the hells of marketing-= eg thinking for yourself and not needing to see the approval of the popluar people first , whoever the "popular:" people are to you these days- My daughter tells me the Emo Girls are the popular girls in high school now and that blondes do NOT have more fun in high school!
whoa
Maybe reading Plath at my Mousketeer audition in the 70s was just waaaaaay ahead of its time! in fact it bloody well was- there will be a gothy-=wierdo-= emo girl Mouseketter someday! watch!@
we all want to feel accepted but did you know that a "Novelty Seeking Gene" is medical FACT? iot affects 9% of the population ( addiction/alchohism affects 15%) Thats a whoel lot of us on the rolller coaster first- inthe moshpit first- wearing what we dammed wel want first- you m ix that gene witha n addic t gene( moi) and your pretty fucked, you mix that gene with shrewd business acumen . disciplne rthat far surpasses mine as much as ive gone through hell to acheive the discipline i now have and you get a skillset of epic proportions! wether in marketing, law enforcement, the c elbrity sweepstakes, "singing" "dancers" withthier own cruddy operfumes- or cruddy cosmentics- and you get an EARNER= so ifyou arent afflicted with self destructiveness- bi polarity or adhd- your pretty much set babe.
if youare there are so many COGNITIVE and mostly SPIRITUAL ways of learning to master your own power to not ( no matter how abused some of you were as children) give your power away and become codependent on a daddy/mommy/god figure ( a major issue i believe i am in the midst of conquering and the consequernce is the p[eople used to my passivity in my own affairs as i dem and accountibility are all flipping out throwing all sorts of pies my way in my inner circle my line is..... show me the paper- show me my money - let me have MY voice- we can collaborate - if to another artist- but i will not be a passive puppet= due to my persona being controversial and one of a teflon strong bionic person - and there is some genetic truth to my health thank god and my ability to craft hell into art- but thats just genetic= im far far more vulberable and delicate and thats the contradiuction wich has been taken advantage of- that and the disp[arity between my actual day to day self and the level of this weird accessory of celebrity wich im barely congnisant of)
i hope sharing this information publicly is beneficial to you- i try to choose words wisely and honestly- because we allwant success- and some of us are very different than others - none of you would be on my friends list if you werent early adopters- innovative types with no need for "social proof" that is market slang for you seeing me attchaed to a fabulous CONTEXT and that making a person like me- a film thats great or a friend thats extremely powerful/famous/bel;oved/wealthy- shit like that- i do not nor will i ever use my friends to gain "social proof" ......i get accused of namedropping alot- its sort of a cheap shot- since i have alot of friends-= mentors - people whose lives i aspire to know more about so i can acclimate thier inner streghth and happiness to my own - people i wish to be aligned with -= higher planes and lower planes of spirituality- i get attracted to stray puppies as wellas superwinners- in AA we say "do you have something i want" and "stick with the winners" re staying sober.
By that it means the quality of the lives of our friends and our closest circles and those relationships we put the most time into= thats why time management is so important and risk management in aNovelty Seeking Addict genetic types makeup is so crucial thus back to the savings account-= i like most of us tend to live ina fantsy land if i allow it that my saviour is just around the corner that "money comes and goes in my life" YES to ever shrinking assetts if i am stupid, i MUST =become far more disciplined . compassionate. and conservative if i am to allow abundance into my life at all levels and TIME is golden even when your 22 and on;y think the silver bullet may killyou-= your immortal arent you? noone is, we all face the final breathe.
so adding value into whatever i do is my goal and timewasting is NOT.
Well maybe ive been a morbid kid /young woman/woman my whole life but my mortality is on my mind alot and death fascinates me- in the sense that im not afraid of it = too much- but when i am in that last breath that we all must take i wantto look back and know i gave more than i got-= that i am loved by my lov ed ones and cherished due to my time investment in them-
i missed my dearest male friend from NY this week - a very very talented and sharp and lovely man= soneone i cherish massively and my chaos did not allow room to simply hang with him, i leaenrd alot in the last ten days for specifics that are not appropraite for public reas.. but knowledge is ALL right now and then output is after that and befor estudying and knowledge comes a spirtual and physical output.
ive got to cut shit up and glue it on paper
courtx